You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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