"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
