he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
