Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
