Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
