i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
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