dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
