Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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