Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
