he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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