You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
