I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Green mimosas i think yes
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
