Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
