I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
