it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
