none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
