You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
be right there i have to get my cape
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
