I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
