I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
