i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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