Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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