you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
