sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish my penis had an off switch
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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