Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
