Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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