Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
