You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
