I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
