i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
