You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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