This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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