don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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