Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
