The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
