Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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