Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
