I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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