remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
