none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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