i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
