Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
