I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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