he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
