We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
