omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
