i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
