I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
