ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Pants are for mortals
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
