hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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