dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
did i just pee glitter
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
