Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
