Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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