About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
