a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
