How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
he high fived his dick after we had sex
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
